Use Positive Self Talk When Dealing With Stress!  

Positive self talk can be an effective way to help in dealing with stress.

We all have thoughts running through our mind most of the time – it’s virtually impossible not to be thinking about something! But problems arise when these thoughts are frequently negative, and this is often especially the case in people who suffer from binge eating or other eating disorders.

Just consider for a moment – do you ever:

• catch yourself only ever expecting the worst things to happen?
• thinking bad things about yourself, or about how you look?
• constantly worrying about what other people think about you?
• calling yourself names like ‘fat’ or ‘stupid’ or ‘a loser’?
• or any other type of negative thinking?

picture by Robert S. Donovan

These patterns of negative thinking can often become habitual and automatic. Therapists call them Negative Automatic Thoughts (NATs), and thinking this way can actually create or worsen much of the stress we are under.

Do you notice how when you are having a ‘bad day’, it is easy to over-react to the tiniest inconvenience, which only serves to make you even more irritable and stressed out?

Read through that list above again – even just reading such statements can bring up feelings of anxiety in us….so if we are thinking such things on a regular basis, its no wonder we are contributing to our own stress levels, or even adding to things like anxiety and depression!

So what’s the connection with eating disorders then?

Well, people with eating disorders can be ‘triggered’ into binge eating or purging during times of high stress – it is often a way of coping with life and emotional problems.

Now, this is not to say that all our stress is self-imposed, or that positive self talk is a cure-all for dealing with stress.

But learning the ability to recognise when we are thinking in such self-defeating ways, and developing the skill to think in more supportive and helpful ways instead, can go a long way in enabling us reduce and cope better with the stress that we are experiencing.

Think of it as another tool in your toolkit of skills to help you in successfully dealing with stress!

So how do we actually use positive self talk then?

Well, its more than just positive thinking! We all know that if we are feeling down or depressed, it’s almost pointless just to tell ourselves to ‘cheer up’ or ‘look on the bright side’! Clichés like those tend to make us feel even worse!

Instead, try this simple step-by-step approach:

• STEP ONE, Noticing your inner voice: Practice noticing the type of thoughts that occur in your mind as if by habit. For now, just notice them, and let them go. Get into the habit of noticing the way you think to yourself and what those thoughts are telling you. Are they negative or positive? Do you notice the same thoughts occurring again and again? Notice the TONE of that voice – for example, is it critical, harsh, angry, sneering, or pitiful?
  
  
• STEP TWO, Changing the tone of your inner voice: Once you have become used to noticing your self-talk, now start to CHANGE THE TONE ON YOUR INNER VOICE. Before you change WHAT those thoughts are saying – just change the tone of your voice so you can imagine hearing a warm, re-assuring, friendly and confident voice. As if your inner voice was that of your very best friend who was always on your side, always there for you, always comforting you.
  
  
• STEP THREE, Now change WHAT your inner voice is saying to you. What would you say to your best friend if they were in the same position you are in? What do you really need to hear at this time? What would be a more helpful, more encouraging thing for your inner voice to be saying to you instead of all those negative put-downs? Now hear your inner voice saying these helpful, supportive things to you in its new friendly, warm, and encouraging tone of voice.

Now, how much better does that feel?

Okay, its not going to make all your stress go away like magic, but by practicing such positive self talk, it can be like always having someone there on your side, encouraging you with helpful words – and we all need that sometimes!

And this is the same as learning any skill – it takes time to develop and improves with practice. After all – many of our negative ways of thinking have become a lifetime habit, often having developed as a result of hearing other peoples unkind and negative things said to us. So getting used to thinking in a different way may take some perseverance. But it’s well worth it. And why not be your own best friend?

So keep practicing the three-step positive self talk technique described above, and see how it helps you in dealing with stress.