Mar 12, 2010 - Can I ever be cured?

by Tiffany
(UK)

Hi, I don't understand what's going on in my head most of the time but here goes my attempt to put it in writing. I've always been classified "underweight" but have now reach my all time low. After recently having to go to my doctor she is now concerned and once to see me again and refer me on. I really don't want to go back, I don't want to talk to her nor anyone else. I hate the questions and hate being stuck in a room somewhere talking about me. I do want to get better, I want to be/feel normal. I don't know what to do, I know what I should do, and can guess what you going to tell me... I'm scared that if I don't sort it out now that it will be taken out of my hands, I can't stand that thought. When I was 9 I was amitted to hospital through dehydration, nothing passed my lips for 5days. Spent most of my teenage years seeing various doctors, dietricians, talking about triggers and feelings. It's so much fuss for nothing. I truely couldn't cope with that happening again. Is this it for the rest of my life?



Answer by Matt C:


Hi Tiffany,

This is so hard.
It sounds like you are really torn between wanting to get well, and the fear of having to talk about yourself – of being scrutinised, or maybe having to face things that are painful for you.

Eating disorders are so often wrapped up in such conflicts. But that’s what makes them so hard to overcome by ourselves. And you’ve been through so much already.
If you are not quite ready to talk to your doctor again yet (who sounds like they genuinely want to help) then you can of course contact the organisations and helplines: http://www.coping-with-binge-eating.com/eating-disorder-help.html


This might be hard for you to accept, and you may not feel it, but YOU as a human being – your life and your future is not a lot of “fuss for nothing”.

We all need (and are worthy of) help and support sometimes, but we have to accept that help. And one problem is that our fear of ‘consequences’ can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So I am of course going to end by saying that I truly hope you do go back to see your doctor again and feel able to accept the support that is being offered for you.
Things are still in “your hands” at the moment. This does not have to be for the rest of your life.

Good Luck and Best Wishes,

(ps: I hope that even just writing about what you are going through and how you are feeling might have helped – even a tiny bit?).

Matt C